“It’s the rainsong…”

It’s the rainsong
Pelting on my head
That shocks me out of
Delusion
And back into the pisspoor
Mood that choked me
All afternoon
Didn’t I make it clear enough?
Didn’t I say it dear enough?
Who the hell cares anyway?
You certainly don’t
And I’m stuck feeling like a grump.

I tried to write about sunshine
But the rain stopped me short
And all my dreams came
Flooding back to me like fresh tears
Stinging my innards
Because I never cry
Never cry.

And this pisspoor illusion
Of you
Actually listening to anything
I say
Confines me too
And it’s the rainsong that reminds
Me of you
It’s the simple pitterpattering
And the drumming of it’s stagnant tattoo
On my scalp
As if they were fingers
Digging, purging.
I wish they were fingers

I tried to write about rain
Tried to put down a few words
But nothing would come
As if they gift of movement
Was mine no longer

It’s the rainsong
Pelting on my head
That shocks me out of
Delusion
There are tears too
Running like rivers
Paving their way
Down the soft skin of my cheeks
Melting with the rainwater
But I don’t cry

But it’s unmistakable
The emotion leaving my body
As it rocks on it own
And I’m drowning now

Damn you
For making me cry